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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?